In A Pensive Mood

Honestly, I really don't know where I want this post to go. But as I drove home this evening on the 680, I just felt...pent up. As if I had a lot of thoughts going through my head that needed to come out. I toyed w/ posting my tribute to homestarrunner.com, but decided against it: I'm not quite ready to share my thoughts on that one. But I've just gotta' say stuff about...something.

So I sit typin' on my lappy w/ anxious thoughts. But I don't really know why. 

I had an awesome day today. Started w/ a lazy wake-up at around 11a this morning, followed by a quick pop-tart breakfast. Sat around my empty house and coded some stuff I couldn't get done at work this week. (It's alright, really. As weird as it sounds, this was actually stuff I'd been looking forward to but couldn't get to). It felt good to be a rest for a bit, even though I was still coding for work. It was on my time - my terms. 

I guess the big highlight in the day was gettin' to hang out w/ an old friend of mine - Bobby - and his lovely girlfriend, Christy. It was really nice to see them and hang. There was beer, wine, and, you read right, tri tip. Do you know how long it's been since I had a good - let alone any - steak? Months! Man it was good. Paired w/ the unusual hot weather we're having up here in the bay and my good taste in beer, there was really nothing bad about this afternoon/evening. 

As me and Bobby talked, I thought more seriously about my place here in the bay. Bobby graduated from Poly, lived w/ his parents for ~3-6 months, and then bought a house. Yes. A house. (The actual timing is probably subject to exaggeration on my part. But I think my point holds). Bobby was set on settlin' down in the Bay. Goodness knows, there're plenty of jobs for people like us around here. (We're both CSC majors).

But am I?

It's been 4.5 months since post-college life started for me: I've set down some roots in my local church; work's gotten better and I'm starting to integrate better w/ my colleagues to implement and help implement features; me and V are puttin' more of our plans and budgets together for the wedding (exciting!); I've started looking more seriously into apartments. All these things seem to be guiding me towards a more permanent situation, but it feels weird looking that far into the future. I've never had plans that far reaching. College was really the longest "permanent" thing I'd done on my own, on my terms and by my rules. 

I mean, how often do you ask yourself, "Self, do you think you're ready to [relatively] stay put? Y'know, not move around too much for say, oh, 10 years"? Feels weird, doesn't it? It's just so...risky. Like taking yourself as example and assuming that, b/c you don't put 'the' in front of freeway numbers, everyone else must be the same: that's a preposterous conclusion for lots of reasons. If anything, your sample size (1) is way too small. You need more time, data, and analysis before you can draw any conclusions. (I'd totally skew your results). 

Really deciding to stay here is like that for me. After not even half a year, I'm facing that kind of decision. Am I ready to stay put? Sure, I want stability and a good life w/ a steady job so that I can focus on what's important to me - building a life w/ V. It seems like a logical next-step. I just...I just need more time. A better feel for the life I have here. 

Guess I gotta' let the thought mull a little while longer. I got a few more months before the wedding. But like lots of  things these days, I've gotta' think on my feet while my life's happenin' around me. No time to sit still anymore.