It's the deep end. You know: either end of the Christian sect who say that sex is evil or that you can heal fresh bullet wounds. As a white, male, twenty-something Christian who grew up in a white suburb in sunny SoCal, I've had the unique perspective of seeing both sides of the this spectrum. I've family who believes that alcohol corrupts absolutely, which makes it hard for me to sit down to a beer if I'm w/ them. My time with InterVarsity exposed me to a lot of people who based a lot of their testimony or life decisions on the experiences they had w/ God. With my position, I get to say "You're both crazy!".
My Christian walk has steered me more towards the more "right" (right = position, not "correct answer"). While this means a lot of things to a lot of people, the big sticking point for me is emotions: I don't put a lot of sentimental thought into my spiritual walk. This harks back to an extended conversation I had w/ a girl I knew (Melissa; I liked her very much) back in high school. She came from a Four Square denomination of Christianity. I'll spare you the details of what that means. But back when we spoke of the legitimacy of spiritual gifts, healing, speaking in [a] tongue[s], prophecy, etc., I had to take the time to develop an informed an opinion. Aside from my infatuation which drove me to talk more w/ Melissa, something she said at one point just seemed "wrong" and spurred me to study further:
"I don't know if I'm ready to ask the Holy Spirit for the gift of speaking in tongues."
No matter how hard I studied the Bible and tried to reconcile what she said, I couldn't find a theological basis for it. Afraid to ask God for something like that?! You could just ask Him for those kinds of things? She spoke of gifts present today that were prevalent around Pentecost and in the years following Christ's ascension. The further I and Melissa discussed this and other Four Square-centric topics, the more adverse I became to relying on feelings, emotions, or - more to the point - experiences to guide my Christian life.
(For those of you who know me up til now, you'll realize that things didn't work for me and Melissa. Despite the fact that we both were/are strong Christians, we were, ironically, spiritually incompatible).
This led to what many would see as a dry or passionless faith. I can't say that's an incorrect description. I guess I've erred on the side of caution, where caution is an inability to tie experience-based faith w/ what I've understood from the Bible. But even so, I see the things that "the other side" gets right. Much better than I do. It's what makes each denomination still Christianity; that's the important part I think people need to focus more on: we all have things we bring to the table that others could stand to learn.
For me, the thing to learn is a willingness to be open w/ others and w/ God. To actually embrace prayer and Christianity as an ongoing, involved relationship w/ God.
I live w/ an elderly, Christian couple in Livermore. Every morning, w/o fail, my host Grandmother (for she is) will ask "Ready to pray?" when she sees I'm nearly done w/ breakfast. This woman hardly knows me. She doesn't know my background; how much I dislike going deep w/ people I haven't developed trust for. She doesn't mind/care. Her goal is to maintain our relationship w/ God b/c her experience w/ it has taught her that God's desire for us to pray had reason to it. It's important. Many times, she'll say "They just need Jesus", or "Give it up to God", or "Just pray". Cynical comments aside, there's something in that I just can't grasp. I'm a pragmatist - A James-chapter-2 kind'f guy. Things suck? Buck up, kick down some doors, and make 'em right. Combined w/ only-child-syndrom (OCS), I've developed the sad tendency to exclude God from my problems. I get so caught up in fixing my life that I forget that God's all "I can help with that. Sure, you can be the one to do it all. But would you let me in on it so I can support you?".
For all my talk of being right, I'm not. (You know I'm right). I may have some things down, but that passion to have God constantly in my life is just...not there. I've set myself up to fight an uphill battle to strengthen my faith. I s'pose that helps me in the long run: nothing pushes you to be better than to know you've gotten something really wrong.
I'm not sad b/c of this. I'm glad that I take my faith so seriously and intently. If I can be a little too-passionless at times, that's ok w/ me. I pray my friends can see past that know I mean well; to interpret the Bible in the right way, regardless of what people may have experienced or felt one way or the other.
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