We've all had that feeling as we leave the house. The one of "I know I'm forgetting something". But, since you can't place your finger on what it is, you decide to keep going. Even if what you're forgetting is of vital importance (in which case, I wonder how you managed to forget it). Because if you're not going to remember it, you can't hang around trying to get it: you've forgotten. And when/if you finally do remember, the strength of the swing with which you kick yourself varies directly with the importance of said forgotten thing.
As the date of my wedding draws near, I can't shake that nagging feeling. Every time my mind dwells on our wedding plans, the threat of important-things-overlooked looms over my head like a brooding thundercloud.
I s'pose the main cause of my anxiety is my lack of significant involvement in all the moving parts. All in all, I've played a very minor roll in this wedding. Aside from my participation in the event itself, my largest contribution may be the $0.5[Wedding budget] I've contributed as part of working at my new job.
In fact, I've had this indescribable aversion to designing the wedding. My most-used defense for this is a lack of interest in the end product. Not that I don't want the wedding to be awesome. Rather, my desires are very simple and, as I've told many, once we had a venue, guests, photographer, and food, I figured the wedding was a slam dunk. It was gonna' happen. It is gonna happen.
Really, I just want to get married. All the little details, nuances, and rules of etiquette bother me to no end. Decorations, invitations, rentals, event timing, logistics: I'd rather do w/o all of it. The thought of eloping did cross my mind, but the sheer magnitude of such an act immediately dissuaded me. (And, the closer to the wedding date we got, the more ridiculous eloping sounded). Once again, it's not that I'm not going to fully enjoy all that our wedding will be. But...I just want to get married, y'know? I don't want all this overhead....
Of course, I shouldn't be one to talk of the overhead of our wedding. V's handled most, if not all of the preparations for the wedding - from making decorations and emailing the wedding party w/ updates/reminders to keeping track of our wedding budget and managing our wedding website. And that was fine with me - giving her free range with the plans. I haven't spent any portion of my life dreaming of my wedding or planning it out. I'd be woefully equipped to put all the pieces together for a wedding. V had all the ideas and desires, so it made sense to just let her bounce her ideas off me so we could both have a hand in the plans.
I know apathy isn't something I should practice for my marriage. Apathetic husbands tend to breed discontent in wives. Besides, I don't like that kind of person I'd become if I just relegated all of my decisions and responsibilities over to V. It's just, for this wedding...I couldn't cook up any riveting ideas. It was like I lacked the creative capacity to even fathom the depth of details required/available in a wedding.
Thus, my lack of involvement in the plans lends itself to insecurity at the thought of the wedding commencing. I've very little grasp of the status of the wedding. I realize my aversion to involvement in the wedding plans has something to do with it, along with my proximity to V and most of the wedding stuff. But I also feel like this wedding's leaving the station w/o me. And w/ a handful of days left to go, I'm not real sure there's anything that can/should be done about that.
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easter egg(s).
Hey, we still got the marriage license. We could get married before the wedding ;)
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