Being married makes me think back to the times before V when I pondered what marriage would be like. Going to a Christian school/church and being raised in a Christian household put me in a safe environment to hear all sorts of opinions and absorb all sorts of Biblical knowledge about marriage. But up until marriage, it's all theory. Easy to believe b/c it's "common knowledge" that you'll "just" apply it when the time comes.
Whether you're married or not, I'm sure you'll agree: easier said than done.
I've recently been pondering one particular Bible passage. I knew what it was, but couldn't quite remember the reference.
You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
- I Peter 3:7
When you break it down, it's a really packed verse. Maybe that's just b/c of my unique, married perspective. Regardless, this verse has come to mean a lot more to me these past few months.
Y'see, I'm a very straight-and-narrow thinker. Most of the time, my way is the straight-and-narrow, and I make Veronica feel it in more ways than one. Most of the time, that's not right. And even if it was, I certainly shouldn't make her feel bad about it. But there are other times where I truly believe that what I think really is the right thing and V is genuinely mistaken. Of course, she doesn't really take that too well. (If our position's were reversed, I doubt I would either). It often frustrates me when V seems incapable of accepting a clearly logical, rational, or just plain better line of reasoning, decision, etc. I'm not saying she's incapable of complex thought or lacks impeccable analytic skills - it's just that I don't always see that.
As I've written in the past, I like to strive for what's best. Optimal. Most agreeable. It's just built into me. I go into fix-it mode all too often; I only later will realize that's not what V needed at the time. Or even worse, I'll end up w/ egg on my face when I realize that I was wrong and a total douche all along. In both cases, I'd hope you could at least understand my position.
It was thoughts like these that led me to start pondering the meaning of the verse. Up until now, I had gone the "easy route" in understanding this verse by attributing the word "weak" literally - weak in body, decision making power, authority, etc. And while that may be true, I've come to think that's not the thrust of the verse. Because, indeed, the word "weak" has popped in my mind many times when I try and put a word to how I feel towards V's actions.
Maybe there was a reason Paul chose that word to write to Christian husbands. B/c we'd need to hear it. B/c he, through God, knew the frustrations I'd go through; he knew the thing I'd need to hear most was how I ought to treat, love, and respect V. Perhaps, in God's infinite wisdom, "weak" means more than just lack of strength. Take note of what the verse says:
...live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker...
"Understanding" is akin to tolerant in my mind, which fits part of the definition I have for love: accepting someone's differences/peculiarities as something worth dealing w/ on your own. It doesn't mean you ignore them. You work with them. You understand them; think about why they do what they do in order to quell your frustration. Empathize w/ them.
Perhaps (and please take this with a grain of salt, as I'm no authoritative Biblical scholar), that "weakness" can apply to perceived weakness on my part. When I feel V is "weak" in some situation (decision, work, life, you name it), maybe I'm called to see that as natural and ok. Not shameful. Not diminutive. Different, yes. Not what I'd do, probably. But not wrong. Not worthy or blame or derision or harsh criticism.
I don't believe men and woman have equal roles in life. They have equal value, of course, but not roles. Woman are better than man in certain areas; men more than woman in others. I'm better than V w/ some things; she's better at others. There's nothing "wrong" w/ that distinction - that's perfectly natural. It's how God made us. I think that's alright. (Feminists can go to town w/ that. I don't care). What is wrong is for me to see V as "weak" b/c she doesn't measure up to the standard I hold myself to and live by. It's unfair b/c she's not me. She's V. She's my wife. She's a woman. I am to be understanding of her, despite what I may perceive to be weakness on her part.
God calls husbands to honor and respect their wives because - I can testify to this - it can get in the way of your Christianity. It disrupts my and V's relationship w/ each other and w/ God. To not take this verse to heart - to not respect and love V in an understanding way, realizing and adapting to the differences and "weaknesses" she has - is folly on my part.
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